• Tim Godfrey

JJ Watt is in the NFC West. Here's what that means

JJ Watt is part of the NFC West now which is great because we can never have enough beanie-wearers in the gym. And Russell Wilson's role as "biggest weirdo in the division" is in jeopardy. I think. I don't know. Is he playing for the Seahawks, being traded or close to becoming the owner? There's never a clear answer with Russ. It's always a mystery, like whether or not he's secretly a deviant or a murder.


Squeaky clean nerds who laugh like the dad from Growing Pains are usually homicidal maniacs.****


[****Beyond the Horns does not endorse this ridiculous assumption about Russell Willson]


JJ Watt is now a part of the division, which means the Rams play him twice a year, at least. So, what does this mean?


  1. Robert Havenstein's life is a living nightmare

  2. And that's it. That's all I can think of because that's all I am thinking about

Poor Robert. As soon as news broke of JJ's glare signing with Arizona, my heart broke for Robert, as he is the worst offensive lineman on the team.


But he's a starter in the NFL!


Yeah, and Miles Teller keeps getting work. What's your point?


Havenstein is a bumbling goofball and I love him. It's hard to be so critical of someone you care for. But not even I can force a straight face and say that Havenstein is "a solid answer at right tackle." Because that's not true. That's absurd.


And absurd is going to be an at-best expectation for Ol' Havenstein once the Rams and the Cardinals play. JJ is probably going to murder Havenstein. Watt will still carry his anger for his brother's DPOY snub well into the fall and beat Havenstein to death with his helmet.


TJ was really good guys. Do you not get that?


Havenstein has months to prepare for the season and JJ Watt. I'm sure he will figure it out. He didn't with Aaron Kromer, a great offensive line coach who has been nothing but valuable to any team he's been on. But I'm sure that's just a fluke!

3 comments

Beyond the Horns

© Beyond the Horns, 2020